It starts

Sitting here in my half packed home with endless running water and a fridge full of happily prepackaged store bought foods I can't help but wonder if I'm in over my head. For most of my life I've had two entirely conflicting dreams.
1. To live in a gloriously big city in a small condo with no lawn to maintain and no harsh winters to contend with
2. To have at least two giant breed dogs and grow/raise enough food to feed myself and my pups
The difficulty there is that you cannot have both of those things at the same time.
I fell in love with a man whose dream it was to have a large enough piece of land to build his own home, grow his own food, raise his own livestock and do all of that in an entirely sustainable off grid manner.
This brings us here, in ten days we will move with our two giant breed dogs out of our home in a medium sized city on a suburban street with all the comforts of municipal living and into a small 70's mobile home on 160 acres. We will have to haul our own water, and our sewer is a lagoon far behind the home. Our heat is provided by a tank of propane (heaven help me if we ever let it run out). We will be a 40 minute drive out of this northern town in which I know no one and have no job lined up. I am about to embark on a new life as a stay at home farm wife.
Our plan is to build a sustainable farm, slowly but surely. We aim to consume mainly what we ourselves can harvest and create.
I have always been a consumer not a creator or provider. I find endless joy in strapping on a sky high set of heels, getting a new set of acrylics and spending a day at the spa. I find myself equal parts excitedly researching growing methods and overcome with fear of no longer having hour long baths just for fun.
I chose to blog my search for the afore mentioned endless joy in a new set of activities as a way to document but also as a way to soothe my anxieties.