Creature Comforts

Once upon a time if I heard gunshots while sitting at home I would most assuredly call the police, inwardly panic and avoid going outside. This, like nearly every aspect of my life, has changed dramatically. Now, if I hear gunshots, I immediately go outside, text the neighbors, let the dogs out and check the animals. 

I used to be horrified at the idea of keeping guns in the house. Keeping them locked in a safe in the house eased that, but admittedly not a lot. Now we keep a gun near the door. 

Most of the time my life seems fairly mundane, aside of course from the curiosities that consistently occur. For example, the other night dylan and I came home to two sheep in the driveway. Calpernia and Molly had escaped and wandered around through the day. Scout and Polly remained in the pasture. How odd that they were separated. Typically they never go more than a few feet from each other. I'd expect if two got out, the other two could have as well. While we were staring at the sheep pondering the situation we realized that we had about fifteen chickens out as well. Not all of them, just some. Again, why some but not the others? How is this happening?!?!?

My life seems mundane, until I take a moment to recognize that six months ago I was grossed out by the idea of getting mud on me and today it seems a mundane day to be literally knee deep in poop/dirt/hay. I keep my talons long and sharp just like I used to, though now I often have to scrape all kinds of weird unmentionables out from under them. My clothes all have some kind of mud (or worse) and grass stains on them. I now accept this as normal. Possibly I'll start a fad. 

I haven't even looked at a pair of heels in months, but I don't miss it as much as I thought I would. I like coming home to a quiet home and giving all my little critters a snuggle. I like it far more than I ever expected to. This started as Dylan's dream, but it's become mine too. 

I hate cleaning the chicken coop though, that is not my dream. As a human race we have invented self cleaning toilets, ovens, cat boxes, robot vacuums, folding machines etc. Why is there not a self cleaning chicken coop. How do I invent one? 

In other chicken news, our chicks have grown up. They are finally integrated in with our other hens. They haven't started laying yet, but every day I get more anxious to see their pretty blue and chocolate brown eggs. If they don't start soon I'm sure I'll die of anxiety. 

Our yaks and cows have integrated nicely as well, in another month or so we'll put the sheep in there as well. So fingers crossed for another smooth integration. 

The leaves have begun falling, there's frost overnight and some people are saying we'll have snow by next month so I suppose we're about to find out if we're as ready for winter as we think we are. If the past six months has taught me anything, we are not. We're hoping that keeping all the animals together over the winter will make things easier. Though I'm beginning to accept that there is no such thing as easy when you are as inexperienced as we are. Cher have mercy on our souls. 

I wonder if Jack & Diane ever made it?

I used to spend Wednesday afternoons knitting and watching housewives, shopping and/or patio drinking with my friends. That's not how I spend them anymore. Not anymore. 

This past Wednesday afternoon I was on the phone with my dad wandering around having a nice little chat when I heard Bridget making some very unusual moos. I watched her for a while and she was just running around the fence mooing like mad. For a moment I thought it was some peculiar way of seducing our yak bull. I had a nice little chuckle. I got off the phone and soon realized I had a loose calf. I stopped laughing. Brisket was terrified and running around all frantic on the wrong side of the fence and mama Bridget was just as frantic on the right side of the fence.  

Dylan wasn't home and I, as mentioned earlier, was just wondering around having a nice chat. This means I was lounging about in shorts, a tank top and flip flops. Not ideal attire for chasing cows through the bush and the mud. Despite this I climbed that barbed wire. I'm not good at climbing barbed wire so of course I cut my leg a number of times. I chased him around for a while thinking I could get him back through the fence. Turns out, a calf is faster than me. I also lost two pairs of shoes in the horrendous mud. You may be thinking, "Rachel, why when you got the second pair didn't you put on a pair of boots?" To that I say, " because I am the queen of dumb moves."   

I tried a new approach. I sat down and he came over for scratches as he usually does. While I was cuddling him I had the brilliant idea of just picking him up and putting him over the fence. Again, dumb move. So the thing about picking up a calf is that if they're very young, that's all good. If they're four months old, it's not good. I got my arms around him, and surprisingly was able to get him off the ground. Which is when the shit hit the fan, or more literally my legs. He kicked up a storm, made some scared calf screams which of course made Bridget lose her mind. So now I've got a calf in my arms about an inch of the ground, a mama cow that is going to come through the fence and skewer me, poop/mud all over me and I came to the realization that if I'm struggling to get him off the ground an inch, I'm not getting him over our fence. So I put him down. He ran away. 

New approach. 

I went and got some oats. I also got a dog leash. Still no boots. Still running around the mud and bush with bare feet. ( So many dumb moves) he came over for oats and I got the leash around his neck. For some reason I thought I could just walk him through the fence. Hilarious. I could not. Once he realized he was being led he jumped around, kicked and ran like hell in the opposite direction, me dragging behind. I let go. 

New approach. Wait for Dylan. 

These are my legs while I waited for Dylan. So glamorous. 

This is Brisket, with Rockys leash around his neck. 

This is the distance in which I had to move him. Only a few feet. Which made my endeavour all the more frustrating. So close and yet way too far. 

Finally Dylan arrived home and he held the fence open while I led our baby Brisket through the fence. With two people it took approximately four minutes and was pretty much hassle free. My Queen of the farm ego bruised beyond repair. Also my body.